The Hidden Power
Self-pity is one of our most powerful foes, yet it can be hard to recognize because it disguises itself as weakness and helplessness. It steals our motivation, discourages us, drains our hope, and weakens our resolve.
Most people encounter self-pity at one time or another. Some seem to move through it quickly, while others become entangled in it. I have experienced both.
Self-pity can become a noose around our necks, choking off hope and keeping us from receiving all God intends for us. It is sneaky and manipulative, quietly playing upon our emotions, draining our strength, and exploiting our weaknesses.
Self-pity does not make a grand entrance. It slithers into the darkest recesses and whispers from the shadows, injecting a slow poison that erodes our hope. Its voice puts an arm around us like a comforting friend and tells us we have been wronged. Then that same arm holds us underwater until we are deprived of the oxygen of hope.
Difficulties and Self-Pity
When I was dealing with advanced-stage breast cancer, it was normal for me to experience the full range of emotions. We all struggle with self-pity at times, but I remember it taking me to some very dark places.
One toxic question that feeds and waters self-pity is the familiar, often unanswerable question, “Why me?” We may never find a healthy or satisfying answer. We will not understand everything until we are in heaven, unencumbered by our limited earthly reasoning. The sooner we accept that, the more peace we can have.However, we cannot ignore our honest thoughts and emotions. Bottling them up does not work; they only emerge in other ways. During cancer, I gave myself a time limit to feel those emotions.
The Bible tells us to think about things that are good, but it also tells us to think about what is true. Knowing the truth sets us free.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 NIV
God Is Not Afraid of Our Emotions
I would give myself 10 to 15 minutes, setting a timer and allowing myself to release the questions, anger, and self-pity. Then I was the one who stopped it. We cannot allow our minds to bury us beneath everything negative about our circumstances. Romans 12:21 tells us to overcome evil with good. We must intentionally give more attention to the good than to the negative thoughts oppressing us. It is a simple concept, but it takes work. The rewards are greater peace and joy within our circumstances. If self-pity is left unchecked, it reaches into the recesses of our hearts, where fear of the future and other painful emotions may already be hiding. I know this enemy well.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21 NIV
God, Mary, and Joseph
What might have happened if Mary, the mother of Jesus, had surrendered to self-pity? God carefully chose the woman who would bring the world its greatest gift.
Mary was likely very young and was engaged to Joseph when God placed His Son within her womb. Joseph was an upright, compassionate, and godly man—but what would he say when she told him she was pregnant?
They had not come together as husband and wife. How could she expect him to believe her explanation? Joseph initially struggled, but God intervened by speaking to him in a dream.
Growing the Gift
In that culture, pregnancy outside marriage could bring tremendous shame upon a woman and her family. Mary may have endured looks, whispers, and judgments.
The Bible does not tell us that Mary tried to explain her pregnancy to everyone. She carried the possibility of other people’s judgment and her loved ones’ doubts, but she did not allow self-pity to paralyze her.
Mary could not let self-pity prevent her from fulfilling her calling. She had been entrusted with raising the Messiah, the Son of God.
When we feel misunderstood, self-pity can keep us from nurturing the gift God has placed within us.
What Else?
Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem while she was nearing the end of her pregnancy. Imagine making a long journey while knowing you could go into labor at any time.
When they arrived, they could not find suitable lodging. Mary was about to give birth without even having a normal place to welcome her child.
Do not tell me that self-pity did not try to sneak in and woo her. However, this young woman continued moving forward in faith. Perhaps that strength of character was one reason God knew He could trust her.
The Dirty Place
I have seen nearly every artistic rendering of the Nativity, but Christ’s arrival demonstrates that He came to meet us in the dirt of this world.
Jesus was laid in a manger, an animal feeding trough. This was not the clean, comfortable place a mother would have chosen for her newborn child.
Mary was strong in her faith. Like Mary, there are times when we must wade through the dirt, roll up our sleeves, and do what God has called us to do.
Missing Mom
When the time came, Mary and Joseph may have faced the birth without the familiar support Mary would have expected from her mother and other women in her family. This was her first experience with labor and childbirth.
Scripture does not tell us every detail of the delivery, but we know that Jesus entered the world fully human. He came into ordinary human conditions through a mother who was likely tired and exhausted.
Jesus understands what it means to be human.
“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted—knowing exactly how it feels to be human—in every respect as we are, yet without committing any sin.” Hebrews 4:15 AMP
Blocking the Self-Pity Steal
I have dealt with my share of self-pity, and nothing good has come from it. We cannot pretend everything is rosy when life is painful. However, like Mary, we can choose to focus on the blessing that God has given us something to bring into the world.
God did not remove every trial, problem, or difficulty from Mary and Joseph—not even for the birth of the Messiah. Instead, He strengthened them through those trials. That strength prepared them for the next steps of the honor He had bestowed upon them.
Is God giving birth to something within you? Does the process seem complicated? Do people doubt what you have told them?
Maybe you are experiencing difficulty because delivering something valuable is rarely easy.
Let’s stay the course, focus on God’s blessings, and refuse to allow the voice of self-pity to steal the gift He has placed within us.
Disclaimer
This blog is intended for spiritual encouragement and general educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, counseling, or treatment.
If you are living with cancer, depression, PTSD, trauma, or another physical or mental health condition, please seek support from appropriately licensed professionals. Discuss these suggestions with your healthcare provider or counselor and ask which approaches are appropriate for your circumstances.
If you are experiencing a crisis or thoughts of harming yourself, contact emergency services or a crisis support service in your area immediately.
