If God is Good, Why Did I Get Stage 4 Cancer?
The other day, I came across a song by Bethel Music called The Goodness of God. It brought back memories of the many questions I asked during my cancer journey—diagnosis, treatment, and all the messy after-effects.
The lyrics stirred up those hard questions we all face in suffering:
“…For Your mercy never failed me and all my days, I’ve been held in Your hands… And all my life You have been faithful. And all my life You have been so, so good…”
The Whys We All Ask
It’s normal to question God in pain. He isn’t offended by sincere, hurting hearts. My list of questions was long:
• Why did I get cancer?
• Why do I struggle with Fibromyalgia?
• Why do some prayers get answered and others don’t?
• Why do the good die young while the mean seem to live forever?
• And, on a lighter note—why do I gain weight just by looking at carbs?
Theologians and philosophers have wrestled with these questions for centuries, and many have no clear answer this side of heaven. If the brightest minds can’t figure them out, maybe I won’t either.
Questioning My Questioning
Some questions have no answers, and obsessing over them only makes us miserable. When tragedy struck, I had to decide—do I hold onto my anger, bitterness, and suspicion of God, or do I trust His character even when I don’t understand?
Both positions require faith:
• Faith that God is good.
• Or faith that He’s indifferent or unkind.
Cancer pushed me to decide quickly. I didn’t have the time—or the “luxury”—to sit in bitterness.
Seeing Through the Right Glasses
Maybe our definition of God’s goodness needs adjusting. Is God only good if He keeps us from pain? Not one of us will escape life without hardship, heartbreak, or sickness.
What we focus on becomes powerful. If we put on “victim glasses,” we’ll see only loss. If we choose to see where God has been good, we’ll find unexpected strength.
Just because He didn’t answer my desperate prayers the way I wanted doesn’t mean He abandoned me—it means He showed up in a different way.
The Only Answerable Question
Here’s the one question I can answer:
Do I choose to see God’s goodness in my life, or not?
When I decided to build on the goodness I already knew of Him, I began to see His love everywhere. If I had died, would God be any less good? No. He’s good because He made a way for us to be forgiven and have a forever home in heaven—whether or not our earthly prayers are answered the way we hope.
“…according to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope… to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.”
—1 Peter 1:3–4
Treasures Within Hardships
Cancer forced me to prepare for death—but it also gave me a deeper view of life. I wouldn’t choose it again, but I’m grateful for the beauty I found there:
- Renewed assurance of heaven
- Restored faith in humanity through kindness I didn’t expect
- A fresh discovery of God’s humor, brilliance, and power
My eyes opened to a side of God I wouldn’t have seen without the darkness of cancer.
The Bread Questions
Okay, I still have one mystery left: carbs.
If bread is so bad, why did Jesus break it with His disciples, send manna from heaven, and call Himself the “Bread of Life”? Bread is mentioned almost 500 times in the Bible—so there must be more to it!
I’ll be studying this one, but if I don’t have my carb answer by the time I reach the Pearly Gates, it’s on my list to discuss with God—coffee cup in hand—on my heavenly front porch.
Take a Moment
Take a moment with the song linked below. Let it wash over you as you think of the good things God has done in your life. Even in the darkness, through the questions, doubts, and fears—He is with you.
If you struggle to believe it, ask Him to show you. He will.
