Most people encounter some form of self-pity at one time or another. Some seem to skip right through it; others become entangled. I’ve engaged in both. Self-pity becomes a noose around one’s neck, choking off hope and keeping one from reaching and receiving all God intends. It’s sneaky and manipulative, quietly playing upon our emotions, zapping our strengths, and exploiting our weaknesses. Self-pity doesn’t make a grand entrance; it slithers in the darkest recesses and whispers in the shadows, injecting a slow poison that erodes our hope. That voice that puts its arm around us like a comforting friend, telling you that you are wronged. The same comforting arm holds you under the water until you’re deprived of the oxygen of hope.
Cancer and Self Pity
When I was dealing with stage four breast cancer, self-pity brought me to some dark places. One toxic question that feeds and waters self-pity is that famous, unanswerable inquiry of “Why me?” We will never find a healthy or satisfying answer to that question. We won’t know all the answers until we are in heaven, unencumbered with our earthly reasoning. The sooner we deal with that, the more peace we have. However, we can’t ignore the honest thoughts and emotions we feel. Bottling them up doesn’t work; it only manifests in other ways. So, during cancer, I gave myself a time limit to feel all of those emotions. Yes, the Bible tells us to think about good things, but also honest ones. It’s knowing the truth that sets us free.
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
Psalm 119:45
God’s Not Afraid of Our Emotions
I gave myself a time limit. I’d give myself 10-15 minutes, setting a timer to let loose on all the questioning, anger, self-pity, etc. I was the one who stopped it. We can’t allow our minds to bury us in the negatives of the situations. There’s a scripture in Romans 21:12: overcome evil with good. We need to think and do more positive than the negative that oppresses us. A simple concept takes work, but the rewards you reap are peace and joy in your situation. It goes into the recesses of your heart, treasures of fear of what will happen, and even more self-pity. I know I’m very well acquainted with this enemy.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 21:12
God, Mary, & Joseph
What would have happened if Mary, the mother of Jesus, fell into self-pity? The birth of Christ would’ve never happened the way it did. God needed to have carefully chosen the mother who would bring our world its greatest gift. At the tender age of 15, while engaged to Joseph, God nestled His son into her womb. Mary was engaged to a very upright, kind, and Godly man. What was he going to say if she told him she was pregnant? They hadn’t been together as husband and wife; there was no chance of her being pregnant. How would he ever believe her? But God came through and gave him a dream as he struggled.
Growing the Gift
In that day, pregnancy out of wedlock would have brought a tremendous amount of shame on the woman and her family. She would always have to endure those looks, those whispers, those judgments. She endured it quietly. The Bible doesn’t say that Mary came out and told everybody that she would have a son of God or be pregnant by the Holy Spirit. She had to carry that judgment from other people, doubt from her loved ones, but she didn’t allow herself to be paralyzed by self-pity. Mary couldn’t allow it. She had to raise the Messiah, the Son of God. In the doldrums and in the depths of being misunderstood, it’s easy for self-pity to keep us from growing that gift God has placed in us.
What Else?
So, after the pregnancy announcement, I’m sure their town was filled with judgment, shame, and doubt about who she was and her character. Even worse, they had to travel on a donkey to the census when she was nine months pregnant. Imagine riding all those miles on a donkey about to give birth. When they got to Bethlehem, they had nowhere to stay. She could go into labor any minute and not even have a place to lay down to give birth. Don’t tell me self-pity didn’t sneak in and try to woo her. However, the teenager was accustomed to protecting her heart and mind from self-pity. I’m sure it was one of her character traits that God knew He could trust.
The Dirty Place
I have nearly every artistic rendering of the nativity, but He came to get in the dirt with us, as demonstrated by His arrival. Let’s imagine being nine months pregnant after an arduous trip through an emotionally and socially difficult pregnancy, and now you have given birth in a barn. Stables are dirty; there’s animal feces, fleas, other bugs, spiders, ants, and dust. Mary was tough in her faith, one reason God knew He could trust her with the honor. Like with Mary, there are times that we have to wade through the dirt, roll up our sleeves, and get the job done.
Missing Mom
When the time came, Mary and Joseph were alone and must have fought fear. Mary wasn’t surrounded by her mama there, her aunts, or her sisters, as was the custom. It was the first time she had ever been in labor or given birth. I guarantee you that Mary focused on the honor of birthing the Son of God, not all of the disheartening circumstances. The Bible doesn’t say whether she had pain or not. She might have because Jesus came as a man, experiencing all we do. It is a painful birthing experience that shapes you as a mom in a way that nothing else does. I think she experienced pain when she was birthing the son of God so that Jesus could, even with a tired and exhausted mother. He lived as we live.
For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.
Hebrews 4:15
Blocking the Self Pity Steal
I’ve dealt with my share of self-pity, and nothing good comes of it. We can’t pretend that everything’s rosy when it sucks, but we, like Mary, can choose to focus on the blessings that God has something for us to bring into the earth. God didn’t take Mary and Joseph out of their trials, issues, and problems, even for the birth of the Messiah. They still experienced many difficulties, but God strengthened them with their trials. This strength enabled them to bear the next steps of the honor bestowed on them. Is there something that God is giving birth to within you? Does it seem complicated? Do people doubt what we told you? Maybe you’re going through this because of your delivery of something great. Let’s stick it out, think about the blessings, and not allow the voice of self-pity to steal this gift.
