Being hurt by somebody you love cuts deeper than being injured by a stranger. A stranger can say something that might hurt me, but it can feel devastating coming from someone I love or who is supposed to love me. It’s sometimes more challenging because enemies can hurt us badly, and the wounds of those we love are more profound, for we have given them the knife; we’ve made our vulnerabilities plain because we trusted them with our hearts. How do we get over that? We know we’re supposed to forgive them, but how? How do we treat those people who hurt us?
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43
The Posture
If God instructs us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we pray for those who we love? How can we find the spiritual posture or the heart to forgive and pray for them? We get strength for that through humility and remembering that God forgave me for so much more. He sees and knows every thought, feeling, secret, and action. Nothing is hidden from Him. Knowing that gives us some strength and perspective to give it to God and to walk towards it, possibly in forgiveness. Seeing that God won’t forgive us if we can’t forgive others is a hard truth. We don’t forgive them because they deserve it; but because He forgave us.
37 “[a]Do not judge [others self-righteously], and you will not be judged; do not condemn [others when you are guilty and unrepentant], and you will not be condemned [for your hypocrisy]; pardon [others when they truly repent and change], and you will be pardoned [when you truly repent and change]. Luke 6:37
The Pass
By forgiving them, we are not allowing them to continue to hurt us; they are not getting away with it. When we forgive them and pray for their blessing (so difficult), we put it in God’s hands, and the entire situation is much better than within our bitter clutches. He will make sure that they’re accountable for it. Forgiving someone is not trusting that they won’t hurt us again, and we don’t have to put ourselves in that position again to be hurt. Forgiving someone is treating them like we want to be treated, not because they deserve it, but because it’s God’s principle of life and peace. We do it so that we can sit under God’s blessings. If someone or something comes to your mind during this reading, it might be a sign that we must forgive. Join me in the prayer below.
Prayer
Thank you, God, for forgiving my many sins, most of which You only see. You’re gracious and kind, and You know the depths in the shadows and the hurts in my heart, the ineffective or self-destructive self-defense techniques I use that make it difficult to forgive. I choose to forgive this person, these persons, for what they did to hurt me. Forgive me for holding on to their sin, trying to make them feel sorry or wrong for what they did. God, You forgive me, so I choose to release them of this debt they owe me. I release them now. Lord, please protect me from further harm and fill my heart with wisdom and love so that I may move forward wisely without being bound by the fear of being hurt again, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.
DISCLAIMER: Abusive Relationships
If you tend to be abused within relationships, the scripture can be misunderstood entirely and weaponized against you. It’s vital not to allow that to happen. How? It’s essential to seek professional guidance in these situations. While setting boundaries or cutting people off, forgiveness is necessary for spiritual health. However, forgiveness can’t be a blank check for continued harm and abuse from the person. God never intends for us to be martyrs in our relationships. God designed marriage and friendship to be a healthy partnership that reflects God’s love, a haven from the world, not a bed of daggers. If you are in an abusive relationship, seek a professional and proceed with prayer, caution, counseling, and great wisdom.
