Finding God at the End of my Rope

I recently went through an excruciating, confusing, and frightening time. Though unrelated to the recent death of my brother, it’s been simultaneous with it. I’ve been at my wits’ end, asking God to deliver me from a situation and to stop a person from attacking and slandering me. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I’ve moved out of the orbit of this person as much as possible, but it’s not enough. I asked God to deliver me.

Is Suffering God’s Will?

I don’t have the answer to this complex question. However, I do know a few things. I know that it wasn’t God’s will for my brother to die at age 65. God’s will was for my brother to live a long, healthy, and vibrant life. We can control many factors that influence our lives. Even if we are completely obedient and follow God’s will, we will have troubles. No one gets out of life without them. There will be times when life deals us a significant blow, or a combination of both. In our suffering, we wonder where God is and what He will do.

“I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble; but cheer up! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

He Promises

Today, I called out to God about this situation. I’ve asked Him to rescue and protect me. I’ve felt utterly alone in this and have asked that He would be with me. I worried that as a stage 4 cancer survivor, the amount of pressure and stress of this would cut my life short. I worried about what those who heard the slander and false accusations against me would think. God didn’t promise us a life without pain. On the contrary, He assures us in John 16:33 that we will have tribulation. In Psalm 91, He also promises to deliver us.

“Because he has set his love on me, therefore I will deliver him. I will set him on high, because he has known my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him, and honor him.¹⁶I will satisfy him with long life, and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16

He Answers

At the end of my rope, God answered me in Psalm 91:14-16.

I asked Him to deliver me from this pain, and He said, “Because he has set his love on me, therefore I will deliver him.“
I called on Him for help, and He said, “He will call on me, and I will answer him. “
He answered the profound loneliness of my pain by telling me, “I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him.”
I was worried about the slander, and He said, “I will honor him.”
I was concerned about the effects of this stress on my life, and He said, “I will satisfy him with long life, and show him my salvation.”

He Expects

Faith involves trusting the promises of God before they are fulfilled. So my question was, what do I do now? Psalm 91 helped me realize that I’m not powerless. There’s something I can do. “Because he set his love on me…” said God. Before this, I felt helpless. Now, there’s something I can do. I set my love on God, to know His name, and to call on Him in the trouble that comes. Will this save me from attack or pain? Sometimes, but pain is inevitable. Setting my love on Him anchors me in hope. It positions me to receive His guidance, His peace, love, and ultimately His deliverance.

“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” Psalm 139:17-18

He Loves

When we suffer, we have many questions, yet one truth remains. God knows and loves us personally, completely, and unconditionally. The very fact that He sent Jesus to pay for our sins is a testament to His love. When in pain, we can lose hope, we may think that God doesn’t care or might be punishing us. In Jeremiah 29:11, God assures us that His thoughts toward us are good and His will is a promising future.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” says Yahweh, “thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. You shall call on me, and you shall go and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:11