God designs us intricately, intentionally, and beautifully. He gives us half of our mother’s DNA and half of our father’s; no one else on earth carries the exact combination of pieces and patterns that we do. He places us in families He designed at the time He appointed —even though personal choices, sin, and brokenness can taint what He intended for good.
The Serpent
The enemy slithers in like a snake and whispers to us to walk away from the good parts God meant to pass down. He colors everything we see about our families as bad, trying to convince us to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But God never intended for us to reject our families. He intended for us, like Him, to pick and choose the pieces He wants us to carry into who we become.
They say God works in mysterious ways, but honestly, the devil is more predictable. There’s a sneaky little school of thought that has seeped into the beauty of God’s design. God created us to mature, to grow, and to stand on our own two feet—but we can’t fully embrace it if we are rejecting the good things from the families He placed us in.
The Whispers
The enemy whispers for us to disconnect from who God wants us to be and replace that with his lies. Because if he can cut off our roots, he can stunt our fruit. God places us in our families at a particular moment in history, in a specific place and season, to become the fulfillment of His intention for us. We get there not by rejecting our DNA, but by choosing—with the Holy Spirit’s wisdom—the parts that shape us into Christlikeness. God has things for us to learn from our parents.
“My son, hear the instruction of your father,
And do not reject the teaching of your mother.
For they are a garland of grace on your head,
And ornaments of gold around your neck.”
Proverbs 1:8–9
My Greatest Teacher
Our parents are the only people we truly observe our entire lives. We watch them—often without realizing it—face change, maturity, aging parents, friendships, disappointments, responsibilities, and even death. They become some of our greatest teachers.
As we pick and choose what we want to embrace for our souls, let’s begin with our parents. My first and greatest teacher is the Holy Spirit, but the first one with skin on was my mother.
When I had to face my hysterectomy after cancer, I remembered how she handled hers—with quiet grace. One thing I want from my mom is her ability to roll with the punches. I tend to swing back too quickly.
Dealing With Disappointment
Most of the lessons from my mom were “caught,” not taught. I didn’t realize I had learned them until life required them of me. Her ability to take life’s punches without drowning in complaint shaped the way I walked through my cancer battle.
This year brought us lessons I never wanted her to have to teach. My beloved brother died in front of her in her living room in June as she worked with all her might to bring him to life. This was her first Thanksgiving without him. She had already lost my dad in 2020. This year, of all years, I couldn’t be there this year. My daughter is pregnant, and I’m over 1,000 miles away helping her.
Another woman might have been angry or sunk into self-pity, but my mother said this:
“I miss you, but everyone is where they’re supposed to be this Thanksgiving. Randy is supposed to be in heaven, and you’re supposed to be with your daughter.”
I pray that settles in your spirit the way it did in mine.
My Crown
I have a front-row seat to the grace, strength, and spiritual logic my mother walks in. Because of her, I know to pray to be like that. She doesn’t blame people for life’s circumstances or the disappointments that come. She sees them through God’s eyes and walks in the grace He gives.
The “garland on the head” in Proverbs refers to a crown.
My mother is a queen in this grace and strength.
I am a princess watching—
a queen in the making.
And she is handing me her crown.
